Let's Kill Christmas

Let's really declare war on Christmas, I mean with guns and stuff. We could bomb The North Pole into submission and send clones to hunt down anyone in a Santa Claus outfit. Texas and Florida could abandon lethal injection as a means of execution and replace it with boiling criminals (and anyone in favor of restrictions on gun ownership) in their own puddings. Let's take the "Christ" out of Christmas AND the "Thanks" out of Thanksgiving and the "New" out of New Years. What do you think, people? Let's give Fox News a really substantive story to report on this holiday season.