Jesus Christ returned to Earth last year, took a quick look around, attended services at the Westboro Baptist Church, listened to Pat Robertson and John Hagee on the radio, slapped Joel Osteen, read a couple of articles about the latest school shooting, stopped for a cappuccino at Starbucks, sent out some tweets, and then returned to Heaven.
These were the tweets:
"What the hell has been happening the last two-thousand years? I thought I was quite clear about what I wanted. You've gotten it all wrong!"
"I don't own a gun. Human life doesn't begin at conception. The Bible should not be taken literally. Global warming is real. Sean Hannity is a dick."
"The phase Rich In Spirit should not be written out with a dollar sign replacing the S in spirit. No, not even if you also draw a little Jesus hanging from the T."
"I hate the following things in the following order: cruelty, racism, intolerance, hypocrisy, spandex, and decaf. Anything else you'd like to know?"
"You people are crazy. I'm outta here. . ."
Sorry, people, this was a one shot deal. Mr Christ is not coming back again. And it has nothing to do with scheduling problems. He just doesn't want to.
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