Hindsighted Dreams

It's a mistake to think that everything we didn't say over the years would have been well-received if we had said it. Some situations are beyond redemption. Some problems would not have been solved with a definitive statement of purpose at the opportune time. At any rate, there is something to be said for caution. Grand romantic gestures don't work out quite as well in real life as they do in the movies. Or in your hindsighted dreams and remembrances. Flowers die and moonlight fades.

Me, I think of all the things I've said over the years that I would have been better advised not to say. I think of all the perfectly amiable relationships I've torpedoed by letting something embarrassing fall out of my mouth when I should have kept my lips tightly shut and my mind on other things. Once you've said something you can never un-say it. That's the tragedy of language and its effect on the human psyche. Words hang in the air for years. Sometimes longer.

People don't want to hear declarations of love and devotion from those they don't love and will never likewise be devoted to. And "knowing" you are unloved -- that is say, hearing the sentiment in no uncertain terms from the object of your affection -- is not quite the liberating experience popular literature suggests it might be. Don't fool yourself in this respect. Sometimes the best way to deal with possible disappointment is to keep your expectations in a box beneath the bed.

I know the above sentiments will not be popular. But I encourage you to consider their wisdom. Just because someone once said that "it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" doesn't make it true. Don't let the poetry seduce you. Broken hearts, like broken bones -- improperly mended -- can create a lifelong disability. Coulda-been shoulda-been fantasies are preferable to not-gonna-happen memories. Sometimes not knowing is for the best. And not asking is the best way not to know.