Eric Cantor Jokes

I've invented a new type of joke; the Eric Cantor Joke:

1] If insincerity were a hashes, Eric Cantor could be a Colombian drug lord.
2] If insincerity were fecal matter, Eric Cantor would be the world record holder for biggest bump.
3] If insincerity were shredded paper, Eric Cantor could be a ticker tape parade for Jesus Christ.
4] If insincerity were salt water, Eric Cantor would be the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans combined.
5] If insincerity were piss, Eric Cantor could supply urine for mandatory drug tests for every welfare applicant in the state of Florida for a generation.
6] If insincerity were soft ice cream, Eric Cantor would drive Dairy Queen out of business.
7] If insincerity were fissionable material, Eric Cantor would be banned from traveling to Iran.
8] If insincerity were beer, Eric Cantor could be a kegger at Delta Tau Chi House.