In May I Wrote, Part 2

Varner Tower? The only way I'll ever return there is with an automatic rifle and enough ammo to take out half of the student body. You can't go home again. Trying only creates a mess.

You can fix ignorance, but you can't fix stupidity.

Kafka, updated for the teens: "Gregor Samsa woke us to find that he had turned into Bill O'Reilly." Instead of crawling under the bed to die he got a job at FOX News.

Appearance is not all there is, but it is all we have.

I fully understand that there is nothing to understand. My Zen moment. . .

Is "unfriended" even a word? Or is this just another example of a pop culture icon -- in this case, Facebook -- using their money and influence to help destroy the English Language?

I have a great idea for a new children's book. The Velveteen Welsh Rarebit. It will be the heartwarming story about one child's love of toasted cheese.

There is nothing that will turn you into a pariah faster on Facebook than mentioning the fact that you're an atheist.

I have no active believe in deity. That's what atheism means.

Life isn't fair, but it is frequently ironic.

I'd like to get even with whoever invented the alarm clock. I'd like to scream in their ear suddenly and without warning very early in the morning. Then I'd like to do it again seven minutes later.

It was all very nice with a lowercase "n." It's amazing how many people and how many things in life fall into the lowercase and how few are certifiably uppercase.

I can: eat off of the floor, defecate in the living-room, and bark at the mailman. What am I? Ted Nugent?

I don't know about you, but I find the word "mailman" somewhat redundant.

A new nutritional study blames Hamlet's behavior on an iron deficiency. B2 or B12, that is the question.

In the morning I am a philosopher. At night I complain about the day. On weekends I write poetry.

Hey, no one even offered me a blindfold.