Random Notes from the Midway

Republican presidential debate or nighttime edition of The Price is Right? The winner of the showcase gets to start World War 3. Please help control the politician population, have you representative spayed or neutered.

Lindsey Graham was so out of it he tried to buy a vowel. "Q."

Rumor has it that there were twenty people scheduled to take part in the second debate, but Chris Christie ate ten of them. I saw a small piece of Rick Perry sticking to one of his front teeth.

Three of the candidates showed up wearing plastic Ronald Reagan masks and one -- not Carly Fiorina -- was wearing a Nancy Reagan mask and pearls.

Donald Trump's toupee arrived at the debate three hours before he did and was driven there in a chauffeured limo.

Ben Carson came early also, hobnobbed with the other candidates, answered questions from the press, and only raised a minor stink when he discovered that the card beneath his podium labeled him as "that black guy."

Scott Walker revealed that he would like to bomb Iran; not in his official capacity as president, but in his spare time as a hobby. Apparently, he now has a complete set of States of the Union quarters and has become bored with coin collecting.

How many of you out there thought Rand Paul was a cartographer?

My biggest surprise? Ohio Governor, John Kasich wants Sheena, Queen of the Amazons's picture placed on the new ten dollar bill. I mean, who saw that coming? His second choice was Ru Paul.

Marco Rubio. Marco Rubio? Marco? Rubio? Refresh my memory on this one, please. . .

After eight years of Dubya, who would have thought JEB was the dim bulb on the Bush family Christmas tree? I'm stunned.

Ted Cruz and Mike Huckabee spent much of the night trying to prove who was the biggest homophobe. Huckabee won, but only by the length of a pubic hair.

I always expect Carly to begin singing "You're So Vain" -- especially in her exchanges with the Donald -- but she never does. This disappoints me deeply, but, yet again, I've heard that she has an aversion to performing in public.

Rick Santorum once owned a dog named Mrs Thatcher, but had to have her eulogized when he developed an addiction to sniffing her ass. I don't know, maybe kibble is a gateway drug. . .

Rick Perry: gone but not forgotten. No -- who am I kidding? -- even his mother has a hard time remembering who he is; glasses or no glasses.

Also sidelined due to brain injury: Mittens; Mister Peepers; Bonzo, Eric, the wonder lizard; and the 1995 Broadway revival cast of Gentlemen Prefer Blonds.

I found myself longing for the golden days of the GOP. Where are Newt Gingrich, Fred Thompson, and Lamar Alexander when they're needed the most?

Bob Dole! Bob Dole!! BOB DOLE!!! John McCain? Tom Dewey? Alf Langdon?

The Real Enemy

On the anniversary of 9/11, please ask yourself the following questions:

How many people in the United States have died in the last fourteen years as a result of gun violence?
How many people in the United States have died in the last fourteen years because they couldn't afford proper medical care?
How many people world wide have died in the past fourteen years as the result of American military action?
How many people world wide have died in the past fourteen years at the hands of American supported dictatorships?
How many people world wide have been killed in the past fourteen years by American made and American supplied weapons?
How many people in the United States and world wide have died in the past fourteen years because of the negligence and greed of American corporation interests?

Google it. I can wait. Write down your answers. Be conservative if you wish.

I think you will find that any of the above figures -- even by conservative estimates -- dwarves the number of lives lost in the three terrorists attacks carried out in New York, Pennsylvania, and Washington in September 2001.

The United States Government doesn't suicide bomb buildings. The United States Government doesn't behead people on camera. The United States Government doesn't run tanks over people on the streets of American cities. But when it comes to doling out death, America takes a back seat to no one. We are the ultimate in state terrorism. America. Land of the free. Home of the brave. General Motors. Bank of America. Lockheed Martin. Smith and Wesson. Exxon. Monsanto. Halliburton. Blackwater. R.J. Reynalds. And FOX News.

Smoking Gun

Can of Worms

More of the Same

It's a fool's game. I know. But it's the only game in town. And there are no other towns.

Some things don't lend themselves to analysis. Two plus two always equals four. Unless it equals five.

Babies cry for a reason. And the crying lasts a lifetime. Until the quiet of mother earth replaces that of mother's womb.

Well lit avenues offer little for those sick of sunshine.

The greatest blessing and the greatest curse is to see ourselves as we really are.

I spent my last $14 on a new wallet. How ironic is that? I feel like O Henry.

The longest tale begins with a single sentence. The longest journey with a single step. One foot along the path is followed by another and another. And soon you're far from home. In a place unimagined and unimaginable from your own front yard. Real adventures are rarely planned in advance.

Is your day something to be celebrated or something to be survived?

Depression attacks. A sponge soaked in holy water or ether. A silver knife beneath a satin sheet. A pleasant memory that hits bone. Before it draws blood from the skin.

The heart beats for no reason. Life is not purpose driven.

Hydra hands. Janus face. Minotaur heart. It's all Greek to me.

The conversation was so lively I couldn't get a pause in edgewise.

There is death in the sky. And in the water, too. And in the soil beneath our feet. And in every word uttered by every mouth

Life is a leaky boat. Grab a bucket and start bailing.

"Merry at dinner, dead by supper."

She was born during a hurricane and raised in the rubble.

Keats' mother was known to point out his spelling errors.

There is no glory in a folded flag. Every death in battle is a tragedy. Every war is a defeat for both sides.

When is someone going to make a documentary about Ned Glass?

It takes a supreme act of will not to slash one's wrists in the morning.

I'm a "the glass is broken and the liquid is soaking into my parents' new carpet" kind of guy.

Abandoned Thoughts Graphically Manipulated

You can't save the damned. We are beyond redemption.

Life produces cynicism, then despair, then resignation, then it's over.

Crazy people make sane people crazy. Sane people make crazy people crazier.

Shallow and selfish generally go together.

Old wounds are the most troublesome.

What is there in a face that makes it more agreeable than any other face?

If there is anyone on earth who is less like Jesus than Donald Trump -- a money grubbing, womanizing, self-aggrandizing, racist twit -- I'd be hard pressed to name them. What a joke. . .  

A blank page. An empty canvas. A new day. Waiting to be filled with words or images or life. 

A lifetime of happiness? Who could stand such a thing?

Maybe I'm just reaching the point where I finally have something to say. Maybe my delusions are just getting worse.

Possible sketch for SNL. A parody of Tuesdays with Morrie with Mitch Albom and Maury Povich. In the end, Mitch is NOT the father.

First rate mother, second rate agent. Seriously, no one's perfect. At least you didn't book her at a burlesque theatre. Now that would have been embarrassing.

If I ever found a new town or village I'm going to name it Squalorton or Squalorville. "Where are you living?" they will ask. "In Squalor" I will reply.

Addresses on Easy Street are difficult to come by. 

Too early for philosophy. Too late for anything else.

21,321. . . and counting.

Instead of building a wall on the Canadian border, let's board up Scott Walker's mouth.

Mirrors are dangerous and unpopular articles of furniture.