Three Drumpf Jokes

THREE DRUMPF JOKES:

1
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Donald Trump.
Ha, ha, ha. (No further punch line required.)

2
How many Trumps does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One to grab 'em by the pussy.
One to attempt to do the job himself.
One to screw up the job despite assurances that he is the best light bulb screwer-inner in the history of the world.
One to hire an electrician to do the job properly.
One to refuse to pay the electrician after the job is completed.
One to hire fifteen attorneys to defend himself in court when the electrician sues him for his fee.
One to bad mouth the judge at his subsequent trial.
One to bribe the state Attorney General not to investigate his bad mouthing the judge.
One to blame everything on Muslims, Mexicans, Blacks, Gays, Democrats, or a Clinton.
One to notify the Russian mob.
And twenty-five surrogates to spin the whole sordid affair on television the next day.

3
Donald Trump, a rabbi, a priest, and an 800 pound gorilla walk into a bar. The priest orders a beer, the rabbi a glass of red wine, and the gorilla a soft drink. The bar tender  looks at Trump and asks him what he would like to drink? "Nothing" Trump says. "I want to keep both hands free for pussy grabbing." The priest blesses himself. The rabbi looks embarrassed. And the gorilla grunts and sits down anywhere he wants. "Okay" the bar tender says. "But there's a twenty-five dollar cover charge. "No problem" Trump replies. "I'll have my charitable foundation write you a check. Oh, and I'll pay the gorilla's tab too. He helped me prep for the last debate. I owe him big time. For that. . . sniff. . . and for the coke."

Another Day in America

Another terrorist attack.

Another mass shooting.

Another unarmed black man murdered by the police.

Another racist, misogynist, or outrageously ignorant and illogical tweet from Herr Drumpf or one of his cronies.

Another televised protest.

Another panel of white people on FOX News analyzing the situation.

Another season of Dancing with the Stars.

Another day in America.

I am the Anti-Everything

 I am the anti-everything. A song no one will ever sing.
My smile is a frown. My dance step is falling down.

My jokes will make you weep. And my enthusiasm put you to sleep.

I grimace instead of wink. And I don't care what you think.

I am the anti-everything. A bird with neither beak or wing.
My creed is non-belief. My greatest joy is an acceptance of grief.

My profile is chiseled in the mud. And my portrait painted in blood.

I am a most peculiar man. And I don't give a good god damn.

I am the anti-everything. A poet priest and philosopher king.
My light is the lack of light. My blindness is my only insight.

My holy book is a blank page. And I haven't mellowed with age.

I am the salt sullied sea. And I am no one but me.

I am the anti-everything. A butterfly kiss and a bee sting.
My comfort is distress. My attempt at order is a holy mess.

My whisper is a clarion call. And my doorway a thick stone wall.       
I am a heart alone on a shelf. And I am apt to repeat myself. . .

I am the anti-everything. A song no one will ever sing.
My smile is a frown. My dance step is falling down.

My jokes will make you weep. And my enthusiasm put you to sleep.

I grimace instead of wink. And I don't care what you think.

I am the Dark Side of the Moon

I am the dark side of the moon. My movements go unnoticed. My mind is bathed in shadow. My voice complains to the cosmos. On Earth I am thought mute.

I am neither friend or companion. My presence comforts no one. My creed is iceberg cold. My words sour the milk of human kindness. Take a sip at your own peril.

I am a cure worse than the disease. My lips murmur no prayers. My arms offer no shelter from the storm. My eyes water for no one. These tear ducts dried up long ago.

I am the original odd man out. My wickedness posing as logical thought. My longing captured in couplets. My dreams clog ancient arteries. And speak only of oblivion.

I am the anti-everything. My footsteps disappear in the sand. My touch is a dead man's embrace. My wisdoms are foolish rhymes. I am the dark side of the moon. . .

Expositoty Repository

The natural end to all human life is despair. Make yourself as comfortable as possible and try not to think about any of it too deeply.

When a belief no longer serves a useful purpose it's time to believe otherwise. The assumptions upon which we perpetually act must be logical and life-sustaining. Otherwise, an arsenal of sophisticated psychological weaponry is being used only to shoot ourselves in the foot.

Don't kid yourself. Everyone dies. And not with the sweet smell of success in one's nostrils. Failure is a major part of life.

The largest life is still microscopic.

Words can make anything seem important, no matter its inherent triviality.

"Make America white -- ah, I mean, great -- again!"

Boredom is the key to trouble's door. What is done for amusement's sake can sometimes ruin lives.

Everyone is taller on the moon.

I am a fool in April and in every other month.

Addressing the facts -- all of the facts -- is the first step in finding a solution to any problem.

Most jobs require qualifications. The presidency only requires the assent of the unqualified.

Long days ahead. No end in sight. No reward at the end of a long journey. No cookie. No pat on the back. No heaven. No hell.

The bigger the lie the bigger the liar and the bigger the eventual double down.

Saint Francis never went to the beach in search of the perfect tan.

When I lay on my back I'm sure I look like a corpse.

Intolerance and stupidity have been repackaged and re-labeled as religion. Religion is now an excuse for all behavior that would otherwise be deemed inexcusable.

How easy it is to speak for God. How easy it is to place your own words in the mouth of deity.

If the political demographics are against you, rig the electoral process. All arguments can be won by silencing your opponents.

Fair play is a spectator's virtue.

My Charnel House of Thoughts

The world has changed. Not for the better, not for the worse. It is different with no rhyme or reason. There was no thought involved. No plan was created and implemented. It just became what it became.

We are all just wandering around in the dark.

Drumpf, Druzef, Dubiof, or Domneyf. A dhoicef is no choice at all.

The light isn't dying, Dylan, the light is dead and buried.

I frequently take comfort in my own negativity.

Public and private are not mutually exclusive spheres. One can clearly affect the other, both for good and for evil.

I wanted instant gratification. They told me to take a number and stand in line.

The expiration date on my milk carton of human kindness ran out a month ago.

Pro golfers have a leader board. Soft drink companies have a two liter board.

Gun violence is the gravy on the meat and potatoes of American culture.

Silence. The absence of noise or the the inability to hear.

Just do nothing. Both the best and the worst advice possible.

There is no advantage in thinking poorly of people.

Twenty years ago it was already too late.

Searching for a reason to forget.

It takes a hole in the wall to let the light in. Don't shut yourself up too too tightly. You miss much that is worth experiencing by trying too hard to protect you and yours.

Try to appeal to people's better instincts, not their worst.

Stand on Your Head

Piety is almost always respected, but very rarely embraced.

Lip service costs nothing and delivers the same. Verbal praise helps no one.

Like life in general, individual lives evolve over time.

I am alone most of the time. And most of the time I like it that way. I am rehearsing for eternity.

There is nothing more pathetic than a devious dullard.

It will be one month before they become proficient at the job. Two months before they are thoroughly bored with their work. And three months before they can't stand the sight of this place or of you.

Most people are too busy with the work-a-day world to worry too much about abstractions. All art, all literature, all philosophy, all higher thought in general, is the result of leisure time.

Oh, Mr Technology, can you lend me your screwdriver?

Early morning of a middle weekday and mildly annoyed with life.

Life gets old fast. Sometimes you just need something new.

If it ain't bleeding don't apply a tourniquet.

There's difference between glad handing a customer and giving him a hand job. One is good business and one is Yuck!

The government isn't to blame if you can't get an erection.

America is a fading myth. Something that never was, but could have been, is now gone. The thing with feathers -- politically speaking -- is losing its plumage fast. The eagle is now really bald.

A leopard can't change its bullshit.

All flaws are fatal (for someone).

This frown is as near to a smile as you are going to get from me. If you're really worried about my happiness, stand on your head when you look at my picture.

Expect nothing and you will never be disappointed with what you actually get.

When two clairvoyants meet and immediately form a romantic attachment with one another its called "love at second sight."

He who doesn't care if he is liked or not is, inevitably, disliked.