The Evangelical Creed

I believe in God who made the Heaven and the Earth about six thousand years ago and personally created Capitalism sometime in the 17th century. And in his son who was made flesh, but never actually had a bowel movement or an erection or anything gross like that. And in life eternal for anyone and everyone who looks and acts exactly how I look and act.

Not only will I base my social and political views on a two thousand year old book written by unknown authors, I will base them on a misreading of what this document actually says based upon the testimonies of other misinformed individuals and whatever items I can cherry pick from its pages that conform to my own prejudices.

Furthermore, I will demand that everyone else accepts my vision of reality and my view of history or I will throw a hissy-fit and accuse those who disagree with me of bigotry and intolerance and every other vice or shortcoming that I myself am guilty of on a regular basis  but refuse to acknowledge.

I make this pledge to Father Jehovah of flood and burning bush fame and to White Jesus who died for my sins -- but not those of the black guy who picks up my garbage or the Mexican girl who cleans up on Tuesdays -- and has promised to make sure my stock portfolio increases in value by at least 10% by the end of the year.

Climate change is a hoax. Evolution is evil. Abortion is wicked. Gay marriage is wrong. Social safety nets are socialism. The poor are poor because they're unworthy of God's love. America is the greatest country on earth no matter what anyone says and contrary to all evidence. Obama is the anti-Christ. Amen. Alleluia!

Working Again

I'm working forty hours a week again, but don't worry, I haven't abandoned blogging. . .

A New Take on an Old Saying

Butterflies are free.

Take as many as you like.

Obnoxious Leadership

Today, "speak softly and carry a big stick" has been replaced by "speak as loudly as possible until everyone gets sick of your voice and leaves the room to get away from you."

Upon hearing this, Teddy Roosevelt rolled over in his grave once, strugged his shoulders, and then continued being dead. It turns out that the stick was buried with him.

A Bit of an Under Cooked Potato

The only way not to be angry with God is to admit to oneself that God is not distant or uncaring, crude or cruel, dead or disinterested, but merely a delusion.

The Man and the Switch

Out of every 25 people on death row in the United States, 1 is not guilty of the crime in which they've been convicted. Since 1976, 1373 people have been executed in 34 states. This means that 55 innocent people has been put to death by state governments in the United States in the past 38 years. 37.2% of these killings have taken place in Texas. 

During Rick Perry's 13 year tenure as governor of Texas, his state has executed 275 people. This means that -- in all likelihood -- 11 innocent people have been put to death on Perry's watch. When asked if he ever had trouble sleeping at night knowing that he was responsible for the deaths of 11 innocent men, he replied without a trace of remorse or self-doubt that he did not. . .

The Fool

Walking swiftly along the road
Somewhat heedless
Looking not where he goes
Toward the abyss.
  Quote the wise man
  A fool remains a fool.

Carrying a stick and bag
A dog at his heel
Perceiving not the crag
In his mad zeal.
  Quote the wise man
  A fool remains a fool.

Ignorant of foe and friend
Sightless as the night
Only pain and death will end
His foolish flight.
  Quote the wise man
  A fool remains a fool.