Random Thoughts on an Otherwise Sunny Day

Razor-blade arsenic pie. Yum.

Being bitten is almost always worse than being barked at.

Christmas at Kmart begins in September. Happy New Year, folks!

Since when did "have a nice day" replace "up against the wall, motherfucker" as the proscribed nicety for dismissing strangers at local businesses?

Wanderlust is overrated.

Count backwards from infinity using only prime numbers. I dare you. . .

People come and go, but there's always weather. What's up with that?

Judas needed love also.

I wonder: what does wildfire spread like?

I'm going out on Halloween dressed as Kim Jong-un.

I checked out a book on World War II from the library and found that a previous reader had defaced a photograph of Hitler by erasing his mustache.

Driving to work the other day I saw a sign at the fruit market that read "Deer Carrots." My immediate reaction was "Who's Carrots and where's the rest of the letter?"

I refuse to say "Ole Miss."

My one talent -- if such can be considered a talent -- is the ability to hang onto lost causes.

Life is what we do to kill time before time kills us.

Comfort food makes me retch.

It is a wicked mind that places order before justice.

What cannot be put into words always makes one cry.

I'm getting old. No doubt about it. When I see a pretty woman walking a dog I now find myself checking out the dog.

Pictures of other people's lives are a burden to behold.

Nothing interests me less than celebrity.

Faith and Fraud

Deep thought does not result in faith. Faith is the product of questions never asked or questions asked and answers ignored. Deep down the most religious person knows that his faith is a fraud. He just doesn't have the strength of character to announce it to the world or even to admit it to himself.

It Will Be. . .

When I die I will die alone. And that's okay. Pay no lip service to my passing. I know you have more pressing business to attend to. You needn't feel guilty. That. Both our hands were empty when the time arrived. It's no more -- or, rather, no less -- than I expected. I've never been a people person. Their presence wearies me. Terribly. Sometimes.

I wonder. How long it will be before I am forgotten. A year? A Month? A week? Sooner? I think that I'm a memory already. A face in a rear view mirror. A voice on an old LP. Receding. Growing scratchy after repeated play time. I am. A few words scribbled on a page. That no one will look at five minutes after the notebook closes. I am. But one day. It will be as if I never were.

Nothing I've ever said or done. Has ever meant a thing to anyone. Neither my words. Nor my DNA. Will survive my last breath. My spirit. If ever I had one. Left my body. Long ago. I have been soulless these last few years. That will make my death easier. When it comes. I hope. Only the living rail against. The dying of the light. My eyes are used to the darkness. They won't recognize the change.

If you're looking for a reason to live. Look elsewhere. You will find no hopeful messages. With my name beneath them. I've searched for redemption. And found redemption to be. A bedtime story. Told to an idiot child. Immortality is a nightmare I no longer entertain. If you'd like someone to tell you it all means something. Read someone else's thoughts on the matter.

Like Dante's damned. Newly arrived to eternity. I am without feathers. Naked in the shivered rays. Of a hard morning. And the mornings get harder as the days go by. The priest's cubbyhole. Curtained in the quiet and the warm. Apart from the living world. Has a sign hung on its sorry little door. "God is dead. . . Soon you will be also. . . . Confessions heard one to four."

Uzi

A phrase like "giving an uzi to a nine year old" used to be a metaphor for irresponsible adult behavior. Now it's just another news item on Facebook or Twitter.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Nugents

Possible SNL sketch: Teenage Mutant Ninja Nugents. They live in the sewer, love pizza, play the guitar, crap in their shells, and spout racist, right-wing propaganda. They are all named after prominent Republican politicians (McCain, Cruz, Boehner, and Perry) and are dedicated to fighting the forces of evil (immigrant children, public school teachers, gays, women, unionists, gun control advocates, non-whites, non-Christians, and compromise). Their ninja master is a rat named Reagan.

No Angels, No Devils, Only Us

An unpleasant truth is always better than a comforting delusion. Ultimately more good comes from facing reality than in avoiding it.

For those of you who dispute the factual content of the above passage there are always drugs and religion to fall back on.

Tooth Decay as a Metaphor

If greatness could be bottled, soft drink sales would suffer very little.