Order and Privilage

The purpose of the criminal justice system is not to find and punish the guilty party; it is to maintain an orderly society. It is the primary duty of every cop, lawyer, and judge to make sure that the food is grown and the goods are produced and the taxes are paid and the roads are maintained. Nothing else is of any consequence. Justice is not the endgame here, but an occasional and haphazardly obtained consequence of mechanisms designed to keep the general populous working toward the common goal of maintaining the hierarchic status quo. There's a reason why poor people are convicted of crimes more often than those those with money and resources; and that reason has nothing to do with honesty or morality and everything to do with power and privilege.

I Dare You

Try the newest fad. I dare you. I double-dare you. Be the first person on your block to accept the light socket challenge. . .

It's fun, it's easy, and nearly half of the people who try it escape with non-life threatening injuries and a minimal loss of brain function.

Pro Lost and Found

Sometimes you cry for yourself and sometimes you cry for others. Whatever the reason. Whoever the recipient. Same tears. Same feelings. That's the tragedy and the glory of being human.

Witty Ditty

"How dry I am. How wet I'll be. If I don't find. A place to pee." Sometimes great poetry just happens. . .

The A through Z of Peter Griffin

In this scene from television's Family Guy: Peter. . .

A) sees Ernie the Giant Chicken making out with his wife.
B) is practicing improv comedy.
C) has pissed himself. Again.
D) realizes that Barack Obama is a black guy.
E) decides that larger sized briefs might be a good idea.
F) has just been told by Lois that Meg is NOT adopted.
G) just watched his first episode of The Cleveland Show.
H) is looking in the window of Quagmire's bedroom.
I) is trying isometrics for the very first time.
J) has stepped in something Brian left at the foot of the bed.
K) dreams of being a crooner like Crosby or Sinatra.
L) discovers that The Drunken Clam has been a gay bar for fifteen years.
M) admires art at a local museum. Jackson Polack just blows him away.
N) does his McCauley Culkin imitation but, as usual, doesn't get the hands quite right.
O) has a revelation: his favorite brew, Pawtucket Green is people!
P) hears the voice of God on the radio and it sounds just like Merle Haggard.
Q) lets the alcohol do the talking but the alcohol is lost for words.
R) remembers that he left something -- the water perhaps -- running in the shower.
S) contemplates dieting in his spare time.
T) sees the size of Chris's penis and is duly impressed.
U) wonders why they never did a crossover show with King of the Hill.
V) is troubled that the sight of Joe in short shorts is giving him an erection.
W) has just been propositioned by Stewie's teddy bear, Rupert.
X) recites the "Possum Lodge" Pledge.
Y) recalls his old glee club days with drunken friends.
Z) relates his recent visit to the proctologist with his customary wit and sophistication.

Robin and Rush

It is the quintessential proof that life is disgustingly unfair that -- at this moment -- Robin Williams' body is stretched out on a coroner's table while Rush Limbaugh's fat, bloated carcass still draws breath in sufficient numbers to retain the illusion of animate matter.

Gambling

Risking something to which we attach little or no value is not gambling, but merely a mathematical entertainment.

If money means nothing to you, placing it in jeopardy will bring neither anxiety or anticipation.

The thrill of quick undeserved gain cannot exist without a corresponding fear of sudden disastrous loss.

My New Motto

My new motto is "Never eat at a restaurant that sells used dog collars." When you say it in French it sounds more profound.

Profit and Wisdom

Experience is the mother of achievement and the third cousin twice removed of wisdom. It's easier to profit from your mistakes economically than it is to learn from them emotionally.

Edison's early failures led to his later technical successes, but they didn't make him a better husband, a better father, a better neighbor, a better citizen, or a better person.

Odd and Unpopular

The honest man is an extreme oddity and the truth teller is a social pariah. That's me in a nutshell. Odd and unpopular.

Heal!

I told my dog to heel and she ran to the bathroom and came back with a tube of neosporin and a box of band aids.